You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
