Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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