Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
