I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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