I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
