sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
