I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
