half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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