Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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