I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
