Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
