You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
