Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
