can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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