return my video game
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Randomize
