You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
