i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
