Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
