What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
