i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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