At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
