I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
