Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
