Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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