dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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