Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
