I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
