i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
