If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
