new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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