I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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