The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
