my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
