You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
