so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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