You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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