I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
