The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I need to calm my uterus...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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