It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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