remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
