don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
