I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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