so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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