3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
