so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
