I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
