Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
