instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
