I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
