oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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