I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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