omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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