then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
