Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
