This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
