Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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