If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
