Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just puked most of my soul out..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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