I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
