I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
